Deadhouse Gates

I was browsing through my old files today, and happened to come by some old documents containing old jokes. Some good, some terrible hehe. But I thought I would just share some of them with you guys anyways.

Q: What?s the difference between military engineers and civil engineers?
A: Military engineers build missiles. Civil engineers build targets.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A: A stick.

Three kids are walking down the street, called Shit, Fuck Off and Your Manners. For some, unexplained reason, Shit collapses. Your Manners stays to see to him, while Fuck Off runs round the corner for help.
He runs into a stereotypical English policeman and starts gibbering at him, visibly shaken, in an attempt to solicit help. The policeman says ??Allo, ?allo! Calm down, young lad! Now, tell me, what?s your name??
?Fuck Off? comes the reply. ?Now, now!? says the policeman, ?Where?s your manners??. The boy replies ?Round the corner picking up Shit?.

Two engineers are walking to class when one says, ?Where?d you get such a great bike??
The second engineer replies, ?Well yesterday I was on my way home when this beautiful girl rode in front of me, tossed the bike and her clothes to the ground and declared, ?Take what you want!??
The first engineer nods in approval, ?Good choice – the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.?

So, this pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch.
The barman, being an observant sort of bloke, says ?Do you know you’ve got a steering wheel attached to your crotch??
‘Arrrr,? says the pirate. ?It?s drivin? me nuts.?

How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Can?t be done – it?s a hardware problem.